Episode Three: Gym Class

Get your inhalers and participation trophies ready because today we are traveling through time and reliving the childhood trauma that was gym class. 

From cross country skiing with athletes-foot infested boots, coming in last for the mile during the Presidential Fitness Test, or having our periods during swim class, Ms. Sheldon was there to berate us through it all. 

Grab a seat and join us while we unpack our gym bags for the first time in two decades and finally air out that dirty laundry. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Okay, so did you ever go to ground round as a kid? Yes. But you don't remember being weighed at ground round. No. Of course, because my dad, being the person he is, like, it must be cheaper if we weigh the kids. Because ground round, you'd pay as much as you weighed for the kids' meal. Everyone else was like 86 cents. I was gonna say like 47 cents. Yep. And they're like, why is this child like 14.95? And I'm like, excuse me. Like, yeah, anything like, you know. So that was traumatizing. I would have, I would have never gotten over it. My dad did it once to me, and I had such a panic attack that I think I had to leave the restaurant at one point. Imagine being weighed in public. My mom wasn't in yet, she was like, helping my brother or something in the car or something. My dad's like, quick, here, get on the scale. And it's one of those big scales. It had a huge face on it. And it was like one of those things that look like something from a carnival where it's like you step on it and it's like wee! It goes flying around. Like, and then it's like that's how much you weigh. And then they had a sticker that was like a penny or a dime or some kind of you know, currency on it. And they wrote in a black marker, never forget this, the weeks. And then with an adult meal, that's what you paid for that place for that. I think that's when I stopped getting kids' meals. In today's episode, we're going to discuss one of our most memorable childhood traumas and the cause of the screaming night terrors gym class. The days that my asthma was trying to shut my lungs down were some of the best days of my life in school. Because I got out of gym class. In case you blocked out the living hell that was the presidential fitness test, not to worry, we'll fill in the gaps. We suggest you wear a cup for this because, much like gym class, we're here to kick you in the balls. Join us as we air out our school gym bags that have been sitting in the bottom of our locker since the beginning of the school year, and they're ripe. Okay, so what's one of the most memorable childhood traumas that we share? Gym class. Yep. Um, because if you don't already feel alienated by your peers enough, we're now going to draw attention to how you fall short and don't measure up against them. No, but like that's act like I know they say like gym class, right? The whole purpose, like it's good in a lot of ways because most kids have like excess energy. You know what I mean? They won't get through the day if they can't go like if they can't have recess, they just lose their shit. There will be no learning. Oh, no, but there will be no learning. We'll all suffer for it. Yes, yes, and also like to find things that you like that get you moving and things like that. Yep. Wear it always, and always fell short for me though. Why does it take you longer than the other kids to run the mile? Right. I don't know because I'm double their weight, you bitch. Because I'm literally carrying them on my back. Yes, literally, because the other kids weigh 40 pounds. Yes, and I have short legs, yes, and exercise-induced asthma. Thank you. Which we both have in common. Thank you. Yes, which is again why we bonded. And it's they put it in our in our file that we could be in gym class. Because I don't remember being in gym class with you ever since elementary school. Ever. Don't rely on us to do anything, you know, because we're not sporty or athletic, but you know, right. I could do a mean like mental game, you know. Absolutely, I don't think they talk enough about that. No, I don't think they talk enough about that. No, where's the Olympics of mind games? Thank you. Thank you. I would have gotten an A in gym class. Okay, if we were allowed snaps for that to play mental games. And what we learned is mental games. That's where it started. Gym class. It is. That's it's where a lot of the anxiety started. That is where my anxiety started. A lot of depression started. That's where my depression started. And it's it's where a lot of self-doubt started. Oh, that's where all my self-doubt started. It's where a lot of dark humor started. Oh, 100%. Like, if I couldn't joke with the school nurse about my asthma attacks, who else am I gonna laugh with? You know, I mean. Legit. I almost wondered though, gym teachers. Like, are they given like, okay, um, now we're gonna teach you how to deal with the overweight kids in school? No, you know what I mean? Like, they know they're not training on that. They don't give you, you know, like no, their job is to like in one hour a day make the overweight kids not overweight and make them enjoy sports. Guess what? You're doing the opposite. I've never been more motivated to get home and sit ever and not participate. No, and honestly, the days of gym class would be the days I go home and be like, I can't do anything. I did gym today. Yes, so I need to sit. Yes, because there's a mental game with yourself, plus the forced physical activity of doing sports that you didn't like and you weren't good at. No, weren't good at, couldn't do, and at least in elementary school, no one was really good at sports. You could excel at like the whole dodgeball thing or maybe like floor hockey, but it wasn't like the taxing, whatever it is, when you get to middle school. Like, no, at school, they were like thrill sergeants. We didn't know the sport. I'm sorry, I don't do sports or no sports. So when they're like, oh, you need to go a three-point layup or something, I'm like, what? When did people learn that? That's the thing. I feel like in school, sure, you learn about different things. Ultimately, though, where does it lead you? It leads you to 12th grade, where they're like, okay, you go to college next. What do you want to do for the rest of your life? Right. And up till that point, you've learned math, you've learned science, you've learned like literature and English and all these different things, and you've learned gym, all this stuff. And so, what do you want to do? Where do your interests lie? In some, like, I feel like other classes, math, for instance. Some kids were really good at math, some kids weren't as good at math. That was me. And they were like, Okay, if you're really good at math, we'll put you in this math class. If you're not as good at math, we're gonna put you in this math class. Both 40 change students. That was me. Shut up. And they won't, but like, if you're they don't penalize you for not being good at math. I was good at math. You would have gotten a bad grade in my math class, but in your math class, you got a better grade. Oh, I've never gotten any math until I was in my special math class. Exactly. And then they said, good job. Gym is one size fits all. Oh, what happened? And we know that's a lie. This is why it this is why gym class ostracizes kids and teens because it's not like, hey, I hate to use the word, but like adaptive about it. No, there's nothing. They're like, you suck because you're fat. That literally comes down to and you really need to lose weight. Here's the deal. Right. My mom takes me to the doctor. Oh no, yes, yes. We work on these things at home. That is no place for your fucking school to come in and to dictate. And they don't teach you things, they don't teach you fun ways to be active. No. In I will say in elementary school, there were some fun units we had. Oh, for sure. Right. For sure. Parachute. Parachute was cute and fun. Volleyball where everybody blew up a balloon and practice. Yes. Putting it at the wall. Those are things. Well, but we weren't even stations, and you got to try like, okay, here, shoot some baskets. Okay, here, let's do a little before half. That's awesome. That's fun things. Yes, that's fun. It got us moving. But over and above everything else, it was gym class. 90% of the kids were good because they were of normal size and weight. Right, exactly. And then there was us. We came out fat. We still are fat. I'm I'm sorry. That's just my genetics. That's it's the way the Lord made me. It's gonna change. Gym classes, it's it's like made to be one size fits all. And perfect example of that is what the presential fitness test. Because we are held to standards that are like literally, they're like, if you are a child between this age and this age, you should be able to do this in X amount of time. Yes. Where there was no wiggle room, there's no adaptability, nothing. They don't care. Start when we were in elementary school. Yes. They literally gave you like a cardstock, full-sized sheet of paper. Yes. Your name across it as big as fucking could be. Yep. You brought it around. You couldn't even fool it in half or anything. You started at the weigh station. You start at the weight and height station. And that was where you started your day. So right now I'm in a bad mood, then. You know what I mean? Right. So you get weighed and you they do your height. First thing that everybody does is the I weigh 47 plus. I weigh 51 pounds. I was always, I weigh 115 pounds. And I was always six inches to more taller when we were in school. I remember fifth grade specifically. We were the tallest girls in our class. Yes. Little did we know you were full grown then. I was full grown. Because now you're like one of the shortest people. I'm 5'1. I peaked in elementary school. You did. Physically, mentally, emotionally peaked in elementary school. Yes. Peaked. I had tits and I was five one. The world was a good place. Yes, it's true. Downhill from there. It was. Yeah. In elementary school, when literally like the static arm hang, I wouldn't even do a static arm hang. It was more of a jump off the chair situation. I would right, I would put my hands around the bar, jump off the chair onto the ground and walk away. Exactly. And I remember the one lady was like, What do I write down for this? She didn't even do it. And I'm like, I'm right here. I know. And I'm like, you put nothing in me, keep it moving. Keep it moving. And if you look at all my other ones for all the other years, same thing, same thing. One millisecond. Moving on, moving on. Yep. I'm like, don't even do your stopwatch. It's not going to clock this. No. It's taking me longer to climb up on the chair than this whole aesthetic arm hang is going to take. It's true. It was they couldn't start their stopwatch quick enough. We were already on the ground. Well, and then you had us, heaven forbid, Ryan Morgan went first. Because that would hold up the entire two stations to one because he would be up there hanging on. By the time it was done, everything else was finished. There was a crowd around him and he was shaking because he had been up there so fucking long. And like the sit and reach, like, what is that supposed to preserve? What is that doing? I don't know. Where did the presidential fitness test come from? I got facts. I got facts. You want to hear what it came from? I yes. It was absolutely ridiculous and stupid, and just proof that, you know, they're dear God, you know, like evil's around us. Evil is around us, and we are all just numbers to to the government. So anyway. Yeah, where did it where did it come from? So, according to a website that I found called like NAF Fitness, okay, it was back in 1956 when then President Dwight D. Eisenhower received a shocking report that according to the Kraus-Weber test, over 50% of American children failed basic strength and flexibility assessments compared to only 8% of your European children, compared to only just 8% of European kids. So this goes back to we are cattle. We are cattle. They were worried because the Cold War was coming. And if we can't physically meet them where they're at, you know, our enemy, how are we gonna defend the country? So hence the presidential fitness test. Disgusting. Worst things have never happened. And this okay, here's the thing though. Eisenhower created it, by the way. He's like, let's do this. Here's the thing though. Okay, taking that, taking that fact. Yeah, okay, so like uh only 8% of European kids didn't meet the standard. Correct. 57% of American kids didn't meet the standard. I get it, where it's like, ooh, okay, concerning we have weak kids. Yeah, how are we gonna raise the next generation of soldiers? Sure, sure. However, I'm willing to bet Khama. Europe, as it's usually more ahead of things than the US, right? Probably had something like some type of training or something like gym class didn't teach us strength and flexibility. No, it yeah, it got us moving, but it didn't teach anything. It wasn't um a program. No, no, all it and also did they not do the presidential fitness test in this in the fall and the spring? Was it? I think it was the fall and the spring. So yeah, and so that's I think I sought that out. I blocked it. I think it was, but there was no, it wasn't like we're gonna do it at the end of the year and see how you've improved because we have an actual like proven. Like we've worked on these things, we've worked on flexibility, we worked on our stamina. There was no individual anything, there was no individual anything. Where do you ability individual help to get better at it? So gym class was not one of those. No, so guess what? If I'm weak, yeah, if I can't run distance, if I don't have stamina, there are things in the world that you can do to improve that, even for a kid, right? And you can make it fun. Sure. So then if you are good, you get a special award from the president. And if you're not made that happen, what do you where's mine? I'm waiting, you know. Who got the award? Good question. Like, was it set to your house? Was there a question? If you hit the 85th percentile for your age and gender, you'd earn the presidential physical fitness award, which was a patch or certificate. You know, people were concerned. They literally were concerned. There were like questions raised that they said the test is more emphasized on performance over health, and could lean to shame. And it did, inclusion did, especially for kids with different body types or abilities. Thank you. Fucking amazing. What a concept. So, you know, what happened then? In 2013, the presidential fitness test was officially replaced by the Presidential Youth Fitness Program. So this was a more inclusive system that focused on personal involvement and overall wellness, not just raw numbers. Now that is going to get behind. Absolutely. Absolutely. A program that makes you healthier. Right. And teaches you like what do you like to like? Even riding your bike. That's a great way to get exercise. Right. You know what I mean? I feel like my parents had to undo so much of what I learned in gym class because it was like, oh, I'm not running, I'm not exercising. Sometimes like you run, you love dance, go do dance on the deck, whatever. You love riding your bike, ride your bike to your friend's house. When you're a child, that's all you need. That's all you need. And that's the thing too. But I feel like they put that on us. So then, like, that's literally like so ingrained in our brains. No, seriously. Like, I've I've just never had a time in my life where I haven't had the stigma of being the overweight person. Ever. Ever. Ever. As long as I've been conscious to know it, it's always been a thing. And I think that needs to change. That that does need a change. And like for society and everybody and everything. Because big people are people too, you know, and everyone in between. So it's more adaptable that you can look at someone who doesn't have legs and they're whatever. You can look at a big person and be like, they're still a person, they deserve things. You know, like I would never look at someone just think, oh, they don't, you know what I mean? Right. I wish I would have been around in school after they when they started the youth fitness program. I would have loved to see what that looks like. Yes, I love that. We missed out. You know what though?

unknown 15:20

It's back.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Channel, why don't you um tell the listeners who brought it back? Um, in 2025, return of the original test, complete with percentiles and performance benchmarks, was brought back by our president Donald Trump. Take with that what you will. Yes, this is not a political podcast. We don't do we don't do we have we have no opinions. However, it's the presential fitness test, so I have thoughts, opinions, and feelings. Donald J. Trump is the devil for bringing back the presential fitness test. Thank you. For someone who is incontent of bowel bladder and mental capacity, bring back the presential fitness test seems a little bit, you know. And who you do it first, Sarah. Shannon, who endorsed it? Um, well, I I found a picture because this picture, a picture is worth a thousand words. This one's worth a million. This brings back every reason why I hate sports and you know, my long hatred of Jim Class and anyone who's physically fit because of this picture. I will say my vagina's never been drier looking at it. My God, I know, right? Like, I I just like have no longer an interest in men. Because, like, honestly, with a penis can go drop dead right now. Absolutely. So, in this picture, we're sitting, we're standing there, Trump's in front of a podium, got the whole background thing, and everyone's smiling. He has three other gentlemen with him. They're so happy. They are so pleased with themselves. They're like, we have done a good thing. And is this picture? This is like the announcement of the return of the fitness. This was um in 2025 that this happened. So last year, um, we have Trump speaks with WWE D E O Triple H Kansas City Chiefs, Harrison Bucter. Buckter, but we're not sports people, we're not sports people, and golfer Bryson Duh Shuba do boo do Jambo. Listen, before Trump signs the executive order restarting the presidential fitness test in public schools, July 31st, 2025, at the White House in Washington. I've never seen four people look happier. And they all look so fucking douchey. They all is so douchey. And the and the it's not a political podcast, but it's what they represent and what they are doing to traumatize future generations because again we had a program in place we had that that was fixing it. It's like that was to be more inclusive, yes, because it was Michelle Obama too that like really drove that. Like Obama was in office. Well, and Michelle Obama, regardless of what side of the fence you're on, here she did you know, like they did, they focused more on like like the lunch programs. There was a big change stairs. But it was never about making people feel bad about themselves. No, it was about inclusivity and giving those options to people, like showing them how to garden, showing them here's how to select pop like good meals. Yes, they never did that for us. That wasn't a thing. You're niggas. No, and so like why would you take you know raw numbers in performance over personal improvement and overall wellness? Because we really should be focusing on overall wellness. Exactly. Whether you're an athlete, whether you are into math, whether you're into art, overall wellness of the person. Because we're human beings at the end of the day. What carries you through health? Again, health is not defined by raw data, right? And there's a lot of there's a lot of people that are very, very good at sports, and they're not healthy. And I'm not saying that it's healthy to be large or small, whatever. No, but it that's not the defining point of health and wellness. Is this what you're gonna be remembered for, too, at the end of the day? You know what I mean? No, no one's gonna be like, oh, you know what though? They got that award, the presidential fitness test. Because trust and believe too, gym teachers, everyone listening out there, if you know a kid that's bigger, they know. They do know, they're never living in a blissful ignorance where they don't know that they are the big kid. They're painfully aware, and they're painfully aware that they're not good at sport, and they're painfully aware that they're different than everybody else. Listen, going back to getting the doctor's notes to Weight Watchers at four. Yes, exactly. Where the doctor was like, say less, here's your notes. Go guess who's still in Weight Watchers? You know, it's not nothing's changed. Right. So, you know, but okay, presidential fitness test, a constant trauma, a constant pain. It when I think of Gym Plus, that's what I think of. Even though we only let's I because I do think it was twice a year, I could be wrong. The fact that it was twice a year is even shocking to me because I've locked that much of it out. That so much of my childhood memories, yeah, center around it. Oh, yeah. And it was one day, once or twice a year for the best that had that much trauma for the first what nine years. So for maybe 18 days of my life, it does a lot of times feel like it's 18 years of our life to find 18 days of our life, of our life to find a childhood. That's what it's bad. You know what? I'm getting through by laughing. That's the only thing I can do. It's the only thing we could do because then too, being the bigger person growing up, we've now developed our award-winning personalities. So you're welcome. We really have. We have. It's made us grow. Well, and the thing is, like there were parts of gym, mostly in elementary school, because once you got to middle school, kids got mean. Kids were grossless. The very last mile I ran in high school, um, ninth or tenth grade, I forget when they you could quit gym. Yeah. Um, the very last one, I did no running, and we did it on the high school football field. So all the kids were long done and they were in the bleachers. Yes. Yes. I was the last one running the mile, walking the mile, because I didn't even try to run. No. I said, I'm not doing this. No. I will walk around this track four times. Right, right. As I'm coming around, I think it was my fourth lap, maybe the third, I don't know. There were like seven kids in the bleachers, and they like come down to the front and they're like, You're the last one, you're the last one. And I looked at them and I go, I know. Like, fame. As I'm like walking, like, I know I'm the last one. I've walked this entire thing. I will not be running now. No, like kids got me. They were rude, and like the teachers never crapped with them. The teachers never said anything. All the times I have so many bad stories from gym. One day we were doing like this is in middle school, we were doing like relays down the gym. Oh god. And I got to the end and I tripped. I fell face first and slid into the cinder block gym wall. You didn't. Not did you like bleed? I should have. I hit my head really, really hard. They say you shake it off and like keep going. Did you go to the nurse? The gym teachers, there were two of them in there, just looked at me. You're lying. Nobody asked me if I was okay. Stop it. They just looked at me. Stop. If I get back up or not, stop it. And some more gym teachers that they're made to have like such heartless, sensitized like souls. Yes. So I've never seen them with less empathy than a gym teacher. No, it's true. We're sad. Like seriously, I don't know if it's because they feel like they've seen more and they're like, you know, I've seen some shit. Or if they're just sad because maybe you already think it is their careers didn't work out as whatever because they probably went to college in some school scholarship. They never made it where they wanted to go. Like you, you think they wanted to all make it to the Olympics. Yes. That dream failed. So if you can't do teach, they were there to be coaches. Mm-hmm. And they nourished, loved, and those students. Yes. Because, like, oh, the hockey coach, the girls' varsity, volleyball coach, wherever the fuck, I don't care. Yeah. Was I in any of those? No. No. No. Would I ever be? No. No. Did I want to be? No. No. But that's like they're like, we're used to dealing with Olympic athletes. You know? And I'm like, you're a gym teacher. You teach health and fitness, and you're not even doing that well. I know. And you're a horrible person. Oh, one of your students ran into a brick wall. Yeah. And you remained unfazed. Yes. Sometimes I think they were just dreaming up ways to torture us. Like they were. There were so many just it the the fun time at gym started and ended in elementary school. Started and ended. With parachute day. Parachute day. You know, where you just I love parachute day. Do the giant parachute. You play like shark. Yes. Where people would like be the shark underneath under. Yes. You know, and even then, oh god, that was a fear. They're like, don't try to pull me under because I'm not, you're not gonna get any. Like, yeah, you know, like I have to wiggle down. But anyway, yeah. So cute, so fun, so fabulous. To bog in day. To bog in when they put they put the folded up um mats on the scooters, and we took turns pushing each other through this like course. This little course, and it was so much fun. It was so cute. And then remember in Halloween, they'd set up a Halloween. It would be scary. Yeah. You'd go for your little scooter, which I hated these things, and they crushed my hands my time. I know. But it was so cute because they'd set it up and they'd be like trying to scare us and be all spooky. It was like a little mini haunted while I'm in the gym. It was so cute. But they put so much spot in the next one. Yeah. I I loved my um elementary school gym teacher. Yes. You know, my gym teachers. I thought they were great. They're honestly great. Because they were working with kids. Yes. After that, they became assholes. Other than the, I will say, other than the presidential fitness test, I didn't feel completely ostracized. Um, I felt out of place, but not ostracized. Never ostracized. No, no, not ostracized in LMI. I felt different. I hated it. I knew that I hated it. I knew I was different. Right. I knew I wasn't good at it. Right.

unknown 25:11

Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

But it wasn't until middle school when I was like, set yourself to see this up too. It's just like, really? Do I really fall that short compared to my peers that I'm a worthless piece of shit? Right. When really it's like, if you look at the big picture, honey, this a good person does not make. Like, no. Your presental fitness test score is not gonna determine if you're a good person or not. Then there was oh girl, don't say it. Track and field day. Oh god. It's okay. Face value. Sure. I didn't dislike it because it was a whole day. Okay, elementary school. I liked it. It was fine in elementary school. Yes. Okay. You got the whole day outside. Yep. You got to bring your chair. Yes. You also had to carry your chair roughly half a mile, roughly. But the one thing I could control was two. I'd always want to sign up for like the 50 meter. Exactly. That was my one time to run. Like you did the one quick one. You did the 50 meter and the shoe kit. The shoe kit, because all of the things that were it was hot and sweaty, sure, pure hell, but you were outside. I in elementary school, I didn't hate it. I really didn't. Even the half-mile walk. Things that the games that we played could be seen being played by drunk people behind a bar. No, and that's the thing. And those were the ones we signed up for. And those are the ones we thrived at. Do you know what made me it still left a mark on my soul because everybody got a ribbon? Yes. And now I remember track and field day. A lot of times parents came, my mom, I don't think, ever did, maybe once. But I remember I brought home like my ribbons from my two events I was in. Yes. And I think one was like fifth place and one was sixth place. And she was like, Oh my God, you did so good. Right. How many kids were in it? Six. Five and six. She was like, Oh. Right. She's like, so everybody got a ribbon. And I was like, Yeah, she's like, Well, you did really good. But I'm sure in her mind, she's like, Oh my god, my kid was in the top five. Right. And then I'm like, Many people. There I was last. Right. I was last both times. Because the green one, but I think was that like fifth or sixth. Like I got that. No, not multiple times. It was whatever the at one, I think I have an eighth place ribbon for something. It might have been like the shoe kick or self kick. Okay. Okay, so there was one salt. I ex I I got like third place in the shoe kick. So it was, yeah, it was territorious, shoe kick, running from the cops. Those were what you did, you know, preparing. Middle, yeah. Middle school things changed for the worst. No, it really did. Like starting with like like the uniform. You had to like prior to this clothes, which again, horrible, horrible, horrible. We were young elementary school students who fully developed. Yeah. Okay. And we were not made to change. No. You know, everyone else, like the boys, especially, were like still in toddler clothes, so it didn't really matter. They were in their girl animals. We had fully developed sweat glands and hormones and everything. I had my period and like the end of third grade. Yes, I had my period at the end of fifth. So, like you and there's so much happening. Yeah. So much happening. But now that you're in middle school, we're gonna make you change into a uniform. Okay, that's cute, fun, whatever. But the fact too was let's amp that up. The gym teachers are like, no, don't change the bathroom. Part of gym class is you change amongst your peers. Yeah. I always changed in the bathroom, anyways. I did too. And they literally like kid girls be like, you can't change in the especially for swim class. I know. And I'd be like, I'm shitting. I know. And then they'd leave me alone. I know. They'd be like, oh my God, why are people changing in the bathroom stalls? We're all girls. Like, that's so stupid. And I'd be like, because I am. And to this day, till this day. To this day, I will change in a bathroom stall. Thank you. No, I don't care. Even if we're outside doing like I will change in the bathroom. Yes. I won't. To this day. I won't. Can we tell the story though of your mom? I love, love, love, love the stories of your mom's in class. Because like I think we had it bad. And then she's like, oh, you should have heard in my days. Which your mom's not even old. It just cracks me the fuck up and makes me so grateful for something. Think of us. So they not only had to change into the uniform for gym, but after gym, they also had to take a shower. And each person was assigned a shower buddy. So you would share the shower stall with your shower buddy, and there were like X amount of shower stalls. And then the teacher, and this was completely naked. Completely naked. Completely naked, just like you would shower at home. Terrifying. Yes. And my mom's shower partner was it probably would have been like the equivalent of me in school. A bigger girl, you know. But the teacher would come by and grade you. First of all, they'd grade you like, do you have your soap? Do you have this? And then they would grade you on like how well you like soaked up your body and how well you cleaned your naked self. That's horrible. We're talking 12, 13, 14 years old. Horrible. Yeah, Minneapolis Public Schools, probably the early 70s. Stop that they did this. That they were like, how well you wash yourself, how well you can't take care of yourself. When I think about that, I go, we really didn't have a bad. No, I'm like, even do I have to run? I go back to Ryan Deal because that's just horrible. Yeah. Although I do still think it was um no, but absolutely mortifying. The fact that the gym teacher's gonna come and rated you on how much soap you used, how well you washed yourself. Yes. Oh god, I can't think about it. If that's not childhood trauma, I don't know how else you define it. And you're just in your shower stall completely naked, completely naked with a shower partner. Yeah. At least if we were like if you were my shower partner, I'd be like, you know, what the fuck ever? Oh, I know. That would have been hilarious. We would have just pissed our pets. We would have been have determined the more we talk about school and things, that we were separated for a reason, not only for like our teachers, Sandy, but our peers. We would have been expelled. So naughty. So naughty. Because we weren't naughty because we were always alone. Power and numbers, and they knew that. Only the only the really psychotic kids asked out alone. Right, but then they got like medicated, and our personalities are like, we don't give a fuck when we're together. So we're mature for our age, but despite what you hear in this podcast, I feel like we're mature for our age. Or at one point we were. Yes. We very much have the ability, like when it's needed in the moment, to turn off everything and go into like survival mode, which is like, oh no, this needs to be done. I'm taking care. Like when it is serious, yes, absolutely. We're like too mature for our age. Where the rest of the world is in blissful ignorance of just fairy tales and wallets. Right. Right. Where it's like, real world. Right, exactly. And then there's now. Then when like things aren't falling apart and people aren't dying, right? Which is a rare again, it's a rarity. It does happen. It happens. There's there are moments. There's moments in there that are peaceful. There's moments where you're not at Southdale and it's peaceful. I think we revert back to like second grade. Oh, for sure, because I'm now reliving like what I missed out on. I still think farts are funny. Oh my god, that won't ever change. I think farts are hilarious. I know. Hilarious. You love a good like you think farts are so funny. I think farts are so funny, and the worse the better. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. So we never had to take showers though. No, we're not. Because we would have been so naughty. Oh my god, we would have been absolutely wretched. You know, so I get where they were coming from the Minneapolis public school system. I get where they were coming from. Right. I think it's gonna be handled differently. I don't know. It's it's absolutely taxing and detraumatizing. Um, you know what one of my favorite memories though from middle school gym class was? What? Lap around the pond. Three fucking morning. But why was it the lap? It wasn't a lap. And I think it was a half mile. Yeah, that was to warm up. And by the time I was done walking it, everyone was back and I was like heaving, yellow because my I was scared of this middle school nurse, so I didn't do my inhaler. You know, and then also if ever I was like wheezing, my gym teacher told me his son has asthma, and exercise is actually really good for it. Yeah, not when it's exercise induced. I'm like, I'm like, as I'm trying to speak to him, I'm like, you don't yeah, no, what kind of asthma? You know, I'm not sure you're not a doctor. I know that's how the middle school gym teachers were. Why was because again, they were mad that they couldn't follow their dreams and you know become whatever. Okay, what about the time with cross-country skiing? I love your story about cross-country skiing. It's it's not funny. No, no, it it is funny. Okay, but first of all, okay, with cross-country skiing, you didn't have to have ski experience. They don't care if you've never proved a pair of skis before, which was me, me, 100%. And then also to can I just say getting ready for skiing? The wet boots. Disgusting. Because at least with snowshream, you use your own boots that you strapped in on. Okay, strap in, strap in, strap on, strap in, strap on. We're hard. Yeah. Okay. That was at least that. So at least if we had to give one positive snow shrimp, was that. Yes. No, um cross contrasting on the other hand. No, you go to the gym lock, like the storage room, you get the pair of smelly ass wet fucking boots, plastic boots, the plastic boots that the class in front of you wore wore. Yeah, because and then even if you were the first class of the days, they were wet from the day before. Yeah, they were smelly and gross. They were in a pile, they weren't even lined up. They put them in a pile. Yeah, so find a matching size. You found like a right and a left to consider yourself lucky, and then go to the big paper barrel and get a pair of cross-country skis out. Yep, absolutely. Now, cross-country skiing, they're like cross-country skis are narrow. Yep. Very okay, very and again, fat person on a skinny piece of plastic going through snow. Yeah, I'm gonna sink. Oh, it's a one-size-fits-all. Just grab one and go. So they're already saying a set for failure. And they were old, they were used. Anyways, you always would go out on the worst days with the worst snow conditions. Worst. And they're like, oh, it just snowed. This is perfect. It's like, no, that's the worst condition. Well, the day that I did it, it the top of the snow was icy. Stops the cut your shins. So first time ever on skis, I already have bad balance. It's gym class. They're just like, put on these skis and go. Because again, there's no teaching. There's no teaching. You learn by osmosis. Yes. And so the class lines up, they're all gonna take off. The teacher takes off. I'm already behind all everybody in the class because I can't hardly move on these things. I also have weak ankles. Right. They are I sprayed my ankles so many times. Anyways, the class is already like at the Northview fields. Right. I can't see anybody. There's one teacher that like stayed behind. That was kind. That was kind. They're not with me. Oh. In the school. Oh, okay. Like in the supply room. So I go down this icy ass hill on these skinny ass skis. Yes. The kids are already over at Northview Steel. It's half a mile away. Right. It's good for them. Might as well have been 10 miles away. Might as well have been. I've never skied. I don't have good balance. No. 200 pounds. These things are this the width of a pencil, too. Yeah. The width of a pencil. So, but in order to get to the steel, you have to go down a hill. Literally. And then up another hill. But I'm like, I can't move on these. Okay, one second though. That hill was like just a hill. No, it was really steep. It was a steep hill to walk down. You had to like go sideways. Yes. Let alone like you got a quick view of downhill skiing by going down this hill. Yes, on these tiny little cross-country skis. And so and most of the kids did just ski down it. They did. They just skied down it because they were used to skiing. Right. So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna I have to try to go down this hill. The second my skis tilt, my skis come out from underneath me. So now I'm ass down in the snow. The skis come back, the tip of the ski hits me in the mouth. But at the same time, my knee dislocates. Stop. Stop. My lip is bleeding, my knee is dislocated. I literally was like, fuck. It hurt so bad. I started crying. As one would. Because I have a bloody mouth, because I have a cut from the ski, the dirty ass, the dirty skis, bacteria-ridden skis, you now have. And sepsis. Yes. And my knee dislocated. Oh, you poor thing. I go to move my leg, it pops back in. And I just sit there in the snow with these skis on, crying as I'm like trying to feel my lip. My knee is crobbing, it's swollen. The whore gym teacher that stayed behind eventually, like, I don't know if they came out to catch up to the crowd or what. They came by me as I was taking my skis off. So after I composed myself enough, I started taking the skis off. Because I'm like, I am injured. Right. This is not the thing for me. No, this is gonna stop now. They came out, I forget who it was, and said, What are you doing? I said, I'm taking my skis off. I'm still crying. Said it cut my lip. I fell, my knee popped out of place, and they said, Put your skis back on and try again. I can't. I can't. I'm I'm upset for you. I want to sue. Seriously. I'm telling you, those teachers were evil. Like, I mean, it's it's evil. It's not easy. My lip was bleeding. My knee popped out of place. It was swollen. I could hardly move it. And then I keep going. And I literally am like, and normally that was my thing where I'm like, I guess I just have to do this until they tell me I can stop. Right. No, this day I've taken I'm in the middle of taking the skis off, and they come out and they're like, What are you doing? And I'm like, I'm taking the skis off because this just happened as I'm like crying, it's cold, it's not dripping, but freezing before it even goes anywhere. Yeah, they told me to put them back on and try to catch up with the rest of the class. Stop. Stop. I don't think I did. I believe I continued taking them off and said no. I did at one point too, because I literally was like, I'm done. I'm not doing this and I can't. Mm-hmm. Like I look, I was physically injured in two places, including blood. Same with the the swimming, because that's a like sixth ring of hell. Oh god. Swimming in middle school, number one, everybody's just hitting puberty. Thank you. Well, unless you're fully developed. You're not in fifth grade. Yes, everyone's hitting puberty. Everybody's body conscious. Whether you're little, big, doesn't matter. Everybody is. Also, you're developing hair. And when they're developing you're as a girl, you're developing hair in places that maybe weren't there before. And school is like, you know, it would be fun for your 45-minute gym block. Oh God, 45 minutes. I felt so much longer. Go down, put on your swimsuit and the lockers around everybody. But don't go in the bathroom stall. Don't go in the bathroom stall, so get butt ass naked. Butt ass naked. Put on your swimsuit and then we're gonna go swimming. Yep. Yep. And so being bigger, yep. And if you didn't get athletes, athletes were warts. Yeah, you weren't allowed to wear flip-flops. No, so you get like you could get warts in your feet and everything else. And yes, again, though, here's a perfect example of they didn't care where you were at. There were people that literally didn't know how to swim. I know. There were people that didn't know how to swim that were like couldn't leave the kiddie pool because they were they couldn't swim, they like they couldn't leave this the shallow end. Yes. But we all had to do it anyway. You had to do it anyways, get in the water. We show you once, you do it after that. So you put on this tight swimsuit where every part of your body is hanging out for all the boys that you think are cute at every 12, at 12, 13 years old. Everybody, everybody, and you are you've never felt more out of place. No, just if the world could just if the floor could open up and swallow me, I'd be better off. You did this for the entire like for like three months. Why was it the longest unit of all it was like three months, and if you were a girl and you had your period, not allowed. It well, I never knew it wasn't allowed, but I just would tell my gym teacher I had my period. But it was really bad because you'd have to sit out in front of everybody on the sidelines, so everybody knew you had your period. Right. And then like it was still in the boys are immature, kids are immature, so they're like, Hitting a period. Yes, exactly. I could walk into a grown people and be like, I got my period. Exactly. I don't care, but I don't care. How if the girls even have their period? No, most of them didn't. You know, and you're like, this is old hat for me. Again, end of third grade. So you're sitting out, and then if you had your period, you were punished. And you now had to come into school at 7 a.m. and do swimming before school to make up the last day. So then also, too, like even if swimming, like let's say you were headed early class or middle of the day class, you had to shower afterwards and go about your day with wet silk hair and everything. Wet hair. Or then, heaven forbid, when you were making up gym class in the morning from being out, you then had to swim later in the day too to put your one wet swimsuit back on. Back on. Worse than in the world. I just did it. And if you've, I don't care what size you are, and you try to put on a wet swimsuit, it's not cute. It's not cute. There's a lot of struggling happening, and even the handicapped stall wasn't enough to accommodate the amount of contortionist the contortionist act that I had to pull to get that thing back on. When it came to gym class, it's all about survival of the fittest. Literally, Lord of the fucking flies. It was gym class is Lord of the Flies. Gym class is Lord of the Flies and it's run by the trench pool. Like I loved middle school otherwise. I had like one of the best, like the best time ever. Middle school was fun. I loved it. It was great. But like that that actually shaped me into like the human being that I am today. And I think too, that's where even kids learn to even make fun of other kids or to well when you have kids when you have gym teachers who show no empathy or outward caring or empathy or sympathy or understanding, you learn from the adults around you. You do. And it it was just so sad and so cruel. All right, next up, our life lifelong all of sport. We're not sporty or even sport-ish. No, we're not sport-ish. But we do know one thing: you're never going to get a birdie if you'll go for the hat trick. That's accurate for the sport, for the sports, for the that's our sporting advice to anyone. If you're listening to this, that's what they taught us in gym class. So I'm pretty sure it's accurate. Gym class aside, outside of gym class, did you ever sign up and play a like elective sports? I did. Did you? Yeah, what did you play? Soccer. Yeah. Two seasons, I think, or season and a half. But my journey into soccer was still co ed soccer because we're That young. I didn't like the tall socks. Um, and my neighbor girl and I, we picked dandelanes and made dandelion crowds. Yeah. And then we'd run down the field together holding hands. Okay, I love that. I took tennis lessons for multiple years. Oh, really? Yes. Oh my god, how did we forget about this? I don't know how I forgot. I blocked it out. Like private tennis lessons. Like tennis lessons, like through like where I went to the Apple Valley High School and they did uh what in the summer. Oh my god, see you did dance was from the time I was almost three, so like two just turned three, all the way up until like high school. That's crazy. I had no idea. Yeah, I had no idea. And then with Church did um the touring, like singing choir that should never be spoken of. But I danced for that too. Yes, you did. I danced, I danced at Disney World. And wide, deep and wide, there's a fountain flowing deep and wide. Get my butt. Anyway, I did deep and wide, there's a fountain flowing deep and wide. So I did dance for that then too. I did do ice skating for many a year. How many years? Oh my god, I did ice skating for like, oh god, a good long time. You know when I stopped doing ice skating? Because it wasn't like, okay, you're this age, you do this ice skating. It was like with swim lessons based on your skill level. Yeah. So it was like once you if you've passed these tests, then you up, you go to the next level. Yeah. Okay. And you literally from a young age, you start at one side of the rink, and that was where the younger kids were. And as you got older, you went to the further end of the rink. Okay. Okay. So I got all the way over to the point where they were asking me to start to contemplate doing a jump. And at that point, I stopped. Okay. Because I'm like, if I to be in the air on ice skates, I'm out. Oh, thank you. You know, I didn't like the whole crossing over thing. Yeah. And I had really flat feet, so that didn't help. I didn't like the crossover. No. We also skating weak ankles. Weak ankles and flat feet. No. No. Not a skater did I make. But I love that it was always cold. I love that. Love that. Okay. I would endorse my kids playing hockey because it's always cold. Yes. And then I was like, it's always freezing. Like, sounds phenomenal. Sounds great. Yes, please. Yeah, badala. I also didn't competitively swim, but I took swim lessons from the time I was a kid all the way up. Had to be middle school. Then it was like, you kind of topped out of swim lessons. Do you want to learn lifeguarding? And I'm like, I'm out. I'm out. Tapping out. Sports thing, tapping out. That's a sports thing, isn't it? I think that's wrestling. Wrestling's a sport. I guess. Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking of like WWE wrestling. WWE wrestling is a whole nother wrestling. Wrestling. Hitting people. There's something, it's physical. But I literally would like, I tapped out of it then at that point. And they're like, Do you want to be a lifeguard? And I'm like, absolutely not. You know, that sounds like a living, breathing hell. And then I took tennis lessons and that was fun. Yeah, tap out. It's surrendering in wrestling and MMA. Okay. Okay. So and then it's also tap out like of the military. Like is basic training. Um just proof of our, you know, vast sporting knowledge. Yes. Uh, but but yeah, no, I took tennis lessons for a few years. Oh, you did. I did. It was fun. And then so that, yeah, so I did that. So I think those are my extent of sports. Okay. So well-rounded. Sure. Anything that was more like flamboyantly fun, or like, you know what I mean? Like something that wasn't so focused on like the start. Yes. Yes. Like in ice game, we got to do an ice show. I did, I did two ice shows. You could have been in the cookies. First one, I was, it was Wizard of Oz themed. And I was a cowardly lion. And my sister was group. We were saying groups, like so age group, whatever to whatever, or you know, this, like, and we had to, my mom had to die tight gold. And then we had like a little ones, onesie thing, and then we wore a gold tutu. And then we wore a tutu around our head to look like a lion name. I want to see a picture. I'll find one. And then my mom's like, don't worry. My aunt, like, she's like, your aunt had to be caught in candy one year because she was a huge ice skater. And so she's like, that was my traumatizing outfit. Someone from dance, you're like, I really didn't, I sure didn't love the outfits, but yeah, like hate them to that extent. And I'm like, I'm wearing a fucking tutu on my head. I mean you were so themed. So themed. I'm old enough to be like, this isn't cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we even had like a like a fucking silk tail that hung off the back, like with only a tutu on the end of it. Like it was horrific. But still, like, you know what I mean? So I was like, if I could sh it not show up, if I had some kind of like theatrical production involved, it was fine. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, put me in a crowd, I can do it. Yeah. There was like an ultimate, like a recital. Yeah. Dirt, no. Sports, no. Running, fuck you. Like, you know what I mean? No. Like, thank you. But I could handle that. Okay. So yeah. So that was my sports we played. Okay, someone said, We hear about what sports I played. I feel like you have more experience with sports than I do. Yeah, I do. You gave it a good, good. I did dance for one year. Okay. Um, very young. Um, I was not, I couldn't retain like the dance moves or like the routine. So my mom never signed me up again. It was really cute. Oh. Doing it. Do you have pictures of you? Yeah. I bet it was adorable. I was really cute. And I think, but I was also really young, like four. So after dance, she'd sign me up for soccer. I think we were the same EAA, like soccer. We just had this memory too, like a couple weeks ago that we literally like I remember my shirts were yellow when I'm like, were you wearing a navy blue shirt? Yes, mine was. Mine was blue. Yes. And so we were on different teams, but the same thing. Again, separated. Why? Separated. We would have tried really naughty and like we would have, we would have been like Christine and Lauren. Oh my god. I'm glad we found each other now, though. Like they got banned off the bus. Like, you know what I mean? We would have been banned off them understands. I didn't run. Right. I love being goalie because I just stood there, but then the ball came and I got scared. Yeah. No, I I didn't run. Right. I wasn't good goalie because if the ball came at me, I was good at duck and cover. Right, exactly. So that didn't work out. So my mom thought, okay, softball. Sure. Softball. I think I did softball through fourth grade. See, I'm coding for I never knew this. Yeah, this is like four years. I think that's a good idea. I did four years. I want to say, like before kindergarten is when I did dance. Okay. And then kindergarten was soccer. Okay. And then first, second, third, and fourth, I was in softball. Softball? I'm so impressed. Yeah. I did not know this about you. I was not good at softball. But you did it for four years. You put me in the outfield and I would draw like pictures and the grass and the that's phenomenal that you even like tried, you know. Yeah. Good for you. I but I think mostly it's because my mom signed me up. Right. She just kept signing me up until I was like, Do I have to do this again? And she was like, Oh, you don't want to? And you're like, no. And I was like, no. And she was like, oh, well, you don't have to. But I was like, oh, yeah. Well, and then going to elementary school, I did take um the golf explore class. Yes. Okay, yes. This is what I want to talk about too. You gotta go to the class. And you got a sailing one time, and there was somebody said it selling like a really cheap, like whole full set of golf clubs. Some of the best golf sets are found that way. And so they I think they were like 10 bucks for the whole thing. So I bought them. So then I would bring my own golf clubs to explore. Oh my god. And then we got to play that nine one of the days for Explore. We took like a little field trip and we actually went and played a nine hole course. Stop. I didn't know you were a golfer, girl. Yeah, I was very bad. I was really bad. I didn't know you golf though. I remember that was really bad. That was not that was an artistic fail. No idea. I took golf. I thought I was gonna just it was gonna be so cool. Oh my gosh, that is so funny. I think that's the extent of the sports that I played. I love that. Yeah, because I certainly didn't in high school. Oh my gosh. Okay, well, you know what though? Sports me understand. Well, you tell me sports you understand because I'm gonna understand more than you do any day. Like, okay, for example, the sport I probably understand the most is gonna be baseball. The reason for that is because my brother loved baseball. Yes, he played everything that had a ball. Okay. Everything. Robbie loved a ball. Robbie loved a ball. He loved a good ball. But like the one thing that was really like that was then once as he got older and stuff, you know, when you get to an age where you kind of have to pick a sport and kind of stay in that lane. Like some people do the hockey, yeah, whatever. His was baseball. Always was, always has been, whatever. Love that for him. So the little knowledge I have and very slight understanding of the actual sport is purely because I was made to go sit at baseball fields. There's so much I don't like about baseball. It's hot out, it's summer. You have to slide into things, it's dusty. It's the most things that you hate. Yeah. It's just everything that I hate in the world. You know, it takes a really long time. It takes a long time. I have to walk a far distance to get to this place. No, it's most sports though. So, okay, sports we understand. Yeah. The list is short for me. Yeah. So you understand baseball. Okay, baseball. My brother played baseball for many years. Basic understanding, even though most of it was spent me just sweating and being so angry that we're so hot and I couldn't leave. What about like sitting on a couch in air conditioning, watching it on TV? Do you understand baseball? The rules? For the most part, I think it's the one I have the most understanding of. Like, could I explain it to someone else? No. I know there's outs. I know there's um innings. No. Do you know what the innings are? What that means. The team switch, like people in the outfield, people in the infields. Anything else? I mean, kind of. The game's progressing. I don't know. How many innings are there? Nine. Okay. Okay. Yeah, it's like periods. Yeah, like yes. That's how the game's broken up. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Yes. Because yes. So I know that. And I know like the top of the ninth or the bottom of the ninth. You know, I understand that. I know if you get a strike, I know that four balls equal a strike. So that's the extent of my knowledge of sports. Okay. If we go into anything else, football, I know there's touchdowns. I don't remember how many they cost. How many they cost? Yeah. Like how much does it cost for a touchdown? You mean how many points you get? Yeah. How much it cost? I don't know.

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You don't understand football. That's at the bottom. Okay. Yeah. Like, okay, soccer, you make goals. Okay. And then, but I don't understand like why you have to throw from the side sometimes. Okay. Um, I know nothing about soccer. I hate it. So I just like I think that soccer is one of the my my husband loves soccer, but one of the sports where like the professional players are very attractive. Like very attractive. And um, what else? Basketball's too loud. It do you understand it? No. No. You shoot in a hoop. Right. Do you know what what a three-pointer is? Isn't that a throw? No, it's a three-pointer. Do you know what would set a three-pointer apart from like a non-three-pointer? Is it where you are on the field? Okay, well, this is not on a field. What's it called? A court? It's a court. Okay. Basketball court. So if it's where is it where you are on a certain line in the court? Like if you if you're further back, yeah. If you're further back, that's three points. Yeah, do you know what a free throw is? I'm assuming it's something with the ball. Okay. A free throw. When you get a free throw. When you get a foul. Like if somebody fouls against you. That sounds like a can of worms they don't want to open. So that's nice. The thing that I with with basketball though, the squeaking of the shoes. You can't. It drives a wall. It's like I'm just I can't focus on anything else. Okay. I just can't. Okay. What other sports do you understand? Oh god, those are so small. Hockey. Hockey. I like hockey. Okay, you get it. Kind of. Yeah. I understand like we're going towards the goal. Yep. And I think that has to do with um if you get a goal. I know at the end, if it's like getting close, you can take one, like the goalie out, so you can put extra man on the ice. I think I think seven people played a time. Oh, so you're like, you're good. I I've been to hockey games. I enjoy watching hockey. Ice soccer. So I love it though because they don't give a fuck. I am not an like bus despite this podcast, I'm not an angry person. It's channeled into certain ways. To gym class, yeah. Gym class specifically. But like I don't want to see people fighting. I'm like, can we all get along? Whatever. When they start fighting in hockey, I am like throwing my drink down and screaming. Yeah, I know. Like, oh shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? Absolutely not a horrible person. Yeah. Love it. Yeah. I live for it. And it's cold. And it's cold. Football. I could not be more obtuse. You understand football. Through and through, start to finish. You could write top to bottom book on football. Yes. Okay, so wait, your grandpa, he liked to do like the sports betting stuff. He was football his game. He was a bookie. Yeah. And that is that football is a big one, yeah. Okay. Because you could do it for other sports too, can't you? Yeah. He would book on anything. But like football is the issue. Absolutely. I think football is so it's not so it's overrated because you don't understand a goddamn thing about it. Not a goddamn thing. Understood what they were doing, why they were doing it, the little nuances, the this means this. Oh, how close they almost get. Like football is intense. They stop so much. They don't though. Yes, but but see, to you, they're stopping. Right. Because you don't understand why. You know why to okay? I want to hear more about football, but let me just explain it. When they're stopping, I'm watching the clock. Okay, five minutes left. That means nothing. It means nothing. That could be three more hours. Yes. So, like, if I'm sitting and told to watch a football game, hoping it will end soon, I just get upset. The thing is, football has so much. Like, football is the one sport. I am not smart about sports. I understand golf. I understand football. I understand something like golf. I can score golf. If I'm with someone and golfing, I can score golf. Okay, good. Um yeah, I understand football, golf, baseball, basketball. You already outnumbered me many a time then. Hockey, yeah, but I don't know all the you know ins and outs. But I think you have a good understanding. Like, you know what, like everything I said, that was no new information to you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like I can enjoy watching a hockey game. Right. And for the most part, know what's going on. Right. I might have a question, like, why did you know why is he in the penalty box? Right. What did he do? I didn't quite exactly get why that was a thing. Bowling, I understand bowling. We understand bowling. We do. The only sport where like people who are completely just a shape can people that look like us can win. People that don't like gym class can bowl. Professional bowlers, literally on the circuit, bowling the ABC in Vegas, multiple rings. Okay, what's a perfect score in bowling? Do you hear that? You hear that 300? Yes. Okay, okay. I um I think I've gotten the lowest score in bowling ever. Me too. I I'm horrible. What's your lowest score? I think I got a 43 one time. I think it was without bumpers, I got a 10. Without bumpers, you got a 10. Yeah. Proud of you. It didn't. That means that it didn't go in the gutter every single time. Not every single time. But I think anytime I did hit something, it was because it was in the gutter and like it just ricocheted. You know what I mean? What the pinter sideways and it went like this. Yes. And the the and then even then it was worse almost when I had the the what are they called? The bumpers. The bumpers. Because then it would just like do like a ping-pong, like beep, beep, beep beep. Or like a um pinball. Yeah. What's your favorite sport to watch? Football? God, yes. Okay. So like if a football is game is on, you're watching it. Most of the time, yeah. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Die Hard Vikings fan. Love. Can't help it. Love it. Love it. Family legacy. Of course. Absolutely. The only it's the only sport I've ever that I will ever yell at the TV for. I've cried over it. I've jumped up and down over it. Wow. Yes. Okay. That's amazing. I didn't know that. Yes. Wow. Yep. Okay. Yep. I wow. Okay. What sporting events have you been to? Like fit, like gone to like an out like, oh, I'm gonna go watch this sport. Been to football. Okay. Uh, been to baseball. Like Vikings games? Yep. Twins games. Yep. New Vikings Stadium? No. Okay, new twin stadium. No. Okay, so Metrodome. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, Metrodome Stadium. Both, both. Um uh season practically courtside tickets to the Timberwolves. Shit. Back when the Timberwolves were decent. Right, right. Um, we were like three rows back from the Timberwolves bench. And then we had um that those we had those a few years. We also had um club level wild season tickets for a couple years up. You did not. Yes. So I've been to tons and tons of Timberwolves and wild games. I love wild games. Yeah, yes, yeah. I've got like the official wild like $300 jersey. I didn't know that. Yes. Oh my gosh, go it's like that. You know what though, too? Okay, I hate the one thing is about sports. I think it's absolutely ridiculous. Some of the statistics they come up with. Yes, the statistics that they have statistics on. It's like statistics that are statistics. Statistics, especially baseball. Oh god, yes. Baseball, every player has like 14 different numbers. No, and it's like, oh, he hasn't done this many whatevers since whatever, or in football, oh, he's run this many yards in his whole career, but only this many times he lost a shoe, and then stupid. I don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not gonna go repeating that to someone because I'm embarrassed. I know. There's probably you can probably major in sports statistics in college. I wouldn't doubt it. No, I bet. Like, I think that's what Krieger went for. I think that's it. Krieger went into statistics for that reason. I can't. Uh-huh. It's very, it's very statistics. It's very stupid. Well, because what else do you talk about between plays? It's very stupid. You have to have something to fill two hours before the game, half hour in the middle, and two hours after. Again, with the stopping, with the stopping. Yeah. I don't have like a short attention span necessarily. I can really tune into things. I can focus. You're losing me though. You know what's funny? I used to think like when I was a little kid, I used to think football really was very, very long. Right. Now, like, I feel like it feels less long when you understand it. Because you're actually participating, like following through. Where if you don't understand something like that. You're like, why are they standing? Right. Why are they just standing in a circle? No, I know I'm like, why are they standing? Why are they whispering? Why are they covering their mouths? Why are they doing this? This is stupid. Yep. You know, where you don't understand it. Yeah. And like, I'm not a non-intelligent person, but when it comes to sports, I'm just kind of like, if I don't know this, my life isn't gonna be different. Because I think we've established sports, not a thing. Nope. Gym class, not another thing. Nope. But and it took us almost 40 years to decide that, like, that's okay. That's okay though. Despite everything that we were told in school. Everything, everything. And then the decades we spent trying to unpack it after school, I think we finally got to a point where it's like, I think we've made some headway today. I think we've gotten through and talked through some things that we didn't realize were even burdening. No, it's this was therapy. This every time we've got every time we've ever talked about gym class, we laugh so much. We do. It's so funny. We have such funny stories so hard. I've never been so angry for so many there's so many hours straight in my life. The thing is, there were no peaks and valleys, none. It was we were just walking up the mountain. We we were climbing the mountain. There's no corn to, you know. One of these days I'm gonna climb that mountain, walk up there amongst the gym teachers. Yep, yep, yep. Mm-hmm. Where the boots are high and the snow shoes are abundant. Abundant. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And much like gym class, it's all uphill from here. It's literally all uphill. We are new and we want to grow our audience. So please tell your friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers and laugh along with us. If you like what you hear, please leave a rating or review. And if you don't like what you heard, well, we're praying for you. Thank you for sitting with us. And remember, laughing counts as cardio. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. Phenomenal, phenomenal, phenomenal. We're telling a snow shoe and a snow skiing story. It's a lot of angotus room right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:34

When was the last time someone won the master's bet to beck?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:38

Oh god, let me look it up. I don't fucking know.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:41

Oh, I was in high school. Roy McElroy won Bet to Beck.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:44

Ow. Pause the episode about gym class. Someone just won the masters. Back to back. But back to back. Hasn't happened since my husband was in high school. Okay, Tiger's the last one. Well, I hope um Roy McElroy, Mickey Rooney, whoever the fuck he is. Mickey Rooney has a has a better turnout than Teddy who did after this. Go Mickey Rooney. Wow, good job for him. I love that. I was wondering what he's up to nowadays. If he died, I guess not. Well, I don't understand. See, I'm not relating to anything you're saying because I was never athletically determined or had athletic capabilities to relate to this. No, running is horrible. It's how do you voluntarily go and choose to run and start like for extend amount of time? Like outside of gym class in your free time that you're like, let's go run. And then for cross country, let's warm up by running like miles. How many miles have we run warming up? Pre pre season. There's a preseason. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:52

Let me say a lot. They had a hill.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:57

Mm-hmm. Nope.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:59

Nope. Nope. I've just talked for at least an hour about how much paid the presidential fitness test. Main reason was running the mile, let alone running multiple miles.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:11

Couldn't run or when your cook is like, make a pace.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:15

Hi. Is that how he sounded?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:16

Kind of, kind of.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:17

Didn't he pace you guys with cars?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:19

I like running it 10 miles an hour at one point. At one point in my life.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:23

No, I would have been, I would have jumped onto the car. Yeah. I've just been like running over. Don't worry. He's going too slow to actually do damage. And it would more just traumatize.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:31

So also you see this car, you're like, hope it, pick it up. Mike, like, I'm going fast. And they come on. Like, yeah, yeah, pace the car for like half a mile. You're like, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:42

You know what? I used to question because at Northview, when they run the mile and things, the teeth, the parents would come run it with the kids. And I'm always like, what sadistic fuck of a parent would come run with their kids? No. Yeah. No. Even if you see him like a Vita gets loose and you skin take off after Avita, it's like a blur running through the backyard. And it makes me sick. It makes me sick. I can't remember the last time I got close to a running tight speed and I was going to fuck the bottom outside. Like if someone chased me, I would just lay down. If if something was chasing me, I would just lay down. Make this go easy for you. Alright, my love. We're just already shocked the fucking let's run. No, I'm pissed about that.