Episode One: Have a Seat

Sit down with us for our inaugural episode where we talk about who we are, how we met and the trauma that binds us. 

With our sharp wit and politically incorrect commentary, we'll talk about life's absurdities and things that should get us put on a watchlist as we pursue our higher calling of creating this podcast. No topic is too small or too dark, because life is hard and so are we. 

Pull up a chair because...Sit Happens.

Transcript

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Okay, how are we gonna start? In today's episode, live from the Flying J on I-90. If he comes in this room with that headlamp on, I'm done. I'm done. How come it starts out soft and cushy? Right. Right. And then it's just hard. To me, it looks so unorganized and chaotic. It is. Any of you 12-year-olds out there listening, if you think you're big now, no, you're not. You'll get bigger. That's okay. I'm five years old and I wear a women's size 16. I've been wearing the Delta Burt collection since third grade. Length is 20. Waist is 40. Do you know what my first word was, Shanna? Have I told you this before? My first word. I'm not making this up to be funny. My first word was more. I think there was more chemistry with the guy who wanted to eat your shit. Oh my god. I love a good romance book. Yeah, you I know. You like weird ones, though. You're like, I want, you know, a broided out like vampire. Word of the Flies was the very first time in my life that I learned what depression was. I don't do small talk. Right. I don't know how to do small talk. Right. I don't care about small talk. Oh, what do you do for work? I don't care. Right. No. I hope I get hit by a car on the way there. I've never worked at anything. If I'm not good at it, I quit. I quit a job because of a chair. And they called me, they're like, um, are you coming back? And I just said. Because they did not have a good chair. And so I left. I can tell you like SUV versus truck. I can tell you car versus truck. That's it. I know what a hatchback is. Do you know what a cabriolet is? What the fuck? Oh god, this is gonna sound horrible. It looks like a Christopher Reeves chair. Did you ever lay back in it and pretend you're paralyzed? She would literally go from standing at six foot eight to literally trustball into the chair. With the Clydesjails with playground. I was wearing a bra in second grade. I trained. I was two. I was two. I got my period like sixth grade. I was early. I got mine in fourth. Jesus. So when they did like the whole period education in fifth, I think it was Mrs. Sevright yelled at me for not paying attention in class because she said this is important information. You're gonna need to know it. In the meantime, I'm like, can I go to the bathroom? I have to change my pet. Why is she taking that squishmallow with her to the bathroom? We're doing it for Dan. That's what that is. We're doing it for Dan. Now we're gonna have three minutes of silence for Dan. In the world that I would let see my butthole other than my mother and Shannon. We we don't define ourselves by our trauma. Yeah. Whether it's pets, family, or mental health. It's all in the shitter. Or in a lovely croison burn on the desk. The lady from the funeral home called my sister and was like, hey, we have a bag here. A couple of your brother's personal effects. And you know what we knew of and what happened. There was nothing left. They're chicken to bed. This was a biohazard bag. Delta Burke. You walked so we could run. Run. Wait. I wouldn't even say trot. You stood so we could sit. The podcast is called Sit Happens.